Side Note (before I even begin): Im actually super excited about creating this blog and inviting myself into a place where I can write about something I am truly passionate about: my son. I am grateful.
As previously stated, my fiancé and I are not collocated. We live approximately three hours away from each other. We see each other about two-three times a month, give or take. We both have busy schedules, some of which include trying to make things work between us and some of which include work, hobbies, other obligations, and of course our children.
Of course, building a happy and healthy relationship includes integrating our children into our life. He has three from a previous relationship, so together we have four boys. Him and I have known each other for almost two decades now and I’ve become a huge part of his children’s lives. Sincerely, I knew him back when he only had one!! However, in turn, he’s become a huge part of my sons life as well.
Having a blended family is not without its challenges. Throw a three hour distance in the mix and it can easily go south! What has always worked for us is remaining honest and transparent with the kids, making the most of every experience and infusing love into each and everything we do.
Kids know when something is up. You can’t fake it on a kid. I learned that one early! They can feel the phony and they can feel the real. Knowing this, there’s no reason to string a kid along. It’s an innate ability to trust their gut, something that gets lost as we get older – as fear and concern are introduced. Kids are fearless, trusting individuals. It’s either black or white for them.
Fiancé, Thomas, came to visit this weekend. Short visit, but nonetheless a visit. It was just the three of us and we literally did nothing all day. Had breakfast, watched a movie, cooked dinner, talked, laughed – regular stuff. When it came time for Thomas to leave, Daniel was quite upset. I was a bit surprised to find tears streaming down my son’s face. However, I was moved, for many reasons.
You always want to know, like firmly know, that the person you’re choosing to spend the rest of your life with makes sense. You want to be certain that they mean good to you and everything that your trying to protect. In this case, I mean my son. I want to be concrete that this man has nothing but the best intentions for myself but mostly for my son. When we get into relationships, especially as women, we don’t typically think of our children first. How this relationship may or may not affect my child. How this man may have influence on my child. These are things to consider, because this man is not only a part of your life, but in large part a portion of your child’s life as well.
I was pleased to know that my son has a genuine relationship with this man and it is wholeheartedly returned. He cares for my son as if he is his own. My son loves him with all of his little caring heart. My son had been raised to not confuse Thomas with his father. Daniel has a great relationship with his father and he knows the difference between the two men. I make sure to keep it clear, as the lines can become pretty blurred. When my son has questions, I answer them as honestly as possible. If I have trouble answering a question, I solicit the help of one of those guys. I don’t pretend that I have or know it all, but I do believe that my son deserves his questions answered.
I’m very conscious of the images that I portray before my son. I wasn’t necessarily feeling the fact that he had to leave either, but grown ups have to do grown up stuff. I wasn’t going to shove my tongue all down his throat, but he required my affection so I hugged him as tight as I could and my son ran over and grabbed us both super tight too. I love that fact that my son is affectionate, more importantly that he loves.
His time will come where he will love a woman (or man, if he chooses) and be loved in return. Observing him display love in such a simple yet pure manner gives me clues to the type of man he will be – emotionally secure.