I realize that sometimes, us moms make it look easy.
Today was simply not one of those days.
I have to admit that I am lost today. I am trying to be that patient, strategic, one-step-ahead-of-you mom, saying all the right things, modeling all the right behavior – failing at every turn.
Sometimes, if I am allowed to be honest, I don’t have it all. I don’t have the patience or the energy to push through and deal with his emotions and his attitude. I couldn’t find the words for him and I completely shut down. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, I didn’t simply want to dish out a ton of behind whoopings – I didn’t want to engage in damaging behavior. But I do realize that shutting down is equally as damaging.
I am disappointed in myself, but I am working to not let that destroy the day, which is important to note. I have a sad heart right now, but it won’t last.
Somedays are just like this. You can do everything right and still everything goes wrong. Its Murphy’s Law. It’s okay. I am forgiving myself and I refuse to let this moment turn into damaging behavior. I love myself and my son and I want the best for both of us and for our relationship.
Some days, as parents, we need help. We need guidance and assistance. Daniel is not a perfect little angel. Some days he is a total monster.
His monster days come along with a ton of trouble shooting, which he makes easy because he expresses himself pretty well. But, again, some days its impossible to get to the root of the problem.
I think, after this experience today, I have to reevaluate some of my skills as a parent and research some new things. Its okay to go back to the drawing board every now and then.
Parenting is fluid, some days are easy, some days are a total wash. You do not have the opportunity to throw in the towel and say, “Being a parent is too difficult for me! I tried it and I don’t like it so it’s someone else’s turn!” If that was possible, I would have quit the first time he bit me while breastfeeding. But we can’t, so we have to figure out what the best method is for both ourselves and our kids.
Forgive yourself. You and your child will both be grateful.