Ahhhh, now you really want to know what I think...?
This is such a good question for so many reasons. First of all (with my neck snap), I think effective communication is an underused tool. We talk, but do we listen? We want to express ourselves, but are we allowing the same for others? We seek to be understood, but are we providing the same level of understanding?
More often than not, no.
Communication is an essential tool in maintaining the health of any relationship. How many times have yo resulted an argument/disagreement with, "It was a miscommunication"? It is so essential.
So, the question remains to be answered, which is more important? I am leaning towards "how you say it". The "how" you say what you say is what impacts people the most. People will often forget what you did but, they will never forget how you made them feel. The emotion attached to what is being conveyed is what sticks, not always what was said.
It will hurt more to hear something unfavorable in a harsh tone than it would if it were coming from a calm place of love. When we are in a high emotional state, all logic is out the window. We don't consider what we are saying and we definitely don't consider how it comes out. Or intent is not to be intentional on utilizing effective communication skills. Our intent is getting our point across.
This presents the problem and thus, the answer to the question. It is not always what you say, it is definitely how you say it. Essentially, we have to apply some mindfulness in our dealings with one another. Stop and think, in the moments before the shit hits the fan, what do I want to happen? What is the best way for me to get my intended outcome? Go from there. It is harder than I made it sound, but if we are true to ourselves we can be true to those around us.
Which do you think is more impactful?
best,
aja moon
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